It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize