Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
