i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize