I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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