Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
