Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
