i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
