I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
