GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
