I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
