You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
