They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
