Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
