what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
