if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize