Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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