I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize