But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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