Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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