i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
