I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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