I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
