an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
