My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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