i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
