I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
