i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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