he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
