Your mouth is God's brothel.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
