used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
