Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize