Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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