what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
be right there i have to get my cape
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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