I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
