i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
