Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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