im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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