For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
