So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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