I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize