Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
