Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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