you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Mom said you looked used
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
