At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
