I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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