dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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