May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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