I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
