I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
