So drunk its hurt
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
