I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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