Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize