the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
