Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
