I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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