Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize