... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
