Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
