I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I understand Curling. That high.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
