'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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