I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
