I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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