I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
