Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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