I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
As shirtless as possible
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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