She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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