I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
