I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Never underestimate the power of titties
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