i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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