btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
