ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
