I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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