yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
