dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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