Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
