The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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