Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
