How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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