Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
