This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
