Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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