its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
And then he peed in my hair
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