I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
