Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize