i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
