I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize