dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
