The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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