Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
