She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
