Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
