at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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