he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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