awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
