my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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