if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize