I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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